


time will always bring me back to you (turn it all into something beautiful)

by OsleyaKomWonkru



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: BAMF Octavia Blake, Earth Goddess Octavia, Episode: s06e08 The Old Man and the Anomaly, F/F, Forest Sex, Gen, Healing, M/M, Octavia Blake Deserves Better, Oral Sex, Peace, Post-Anomaly, Post-Episode: s06e08 The Old Man and the Anomaly, Temporal Anomaly, Vaguely Inspired by Annihilation, of sorts, so this is that story, than what canon will give her
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2020-06-03 13:21:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19464850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OsleyaKomWonkru/pseuds/OsleyaKomWonkru
Summary: The war was over. Sanctum was won. But none of that mattered if she couldn’t have the woman she loved.Niylah heads into the forest to find Octavia, and encounters a world she’d never dreamed of.As time goes on, others join them.“Why wouldn’t she come back?” Niylah asked.“She has her reasons.” Clarke said. “She’s different, Niylah.”“Different from who she was before Praimfaya? Different from who she was when you opened the bunker? Different from who she was before she went into cryosleep? Different from who she was when she woke up?”“Yes.”“That’s… not exactly an answer.”“Go to her. I can draw you a map. Then you’ll understand.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There are so many theories about the Anomaly, what happened in there, what's changed about Octavia now that she's come out of it... this is one of my more hopeful ones, probably not close to what will actually happen (sigh), but I can hope, right?
> 
> JRoth named a number of inspirations for S6, one of them was the movie Annihilation, and that one is somewhat of an inspiration for this fic as well. Next two chapters will be posted in the next few days, and tags will be updated appropriately at that time.
> 
> Title is from “Time” and “Something Beautiful” by One Less Reason.

Sanctum was theirs.

This was the first time Niylah had fought a war rather than helping the wounded, but all hands had been needed. It wasn’t a long war - more a skirmish, where once they saw themselves outnumbered, the common people of Sanctum easily gave up the Primes so that they could then live in peace without their rule.

How they would all get along was a different story. But Niylah wasn’t interested in that. She was only interested in finding Octavia.

Despite what others had told her, that Bellamy had abandoned her in the forest to die, Niylah didn’t believe that she was dead. She knew Octavia was a survivor. She had to be.

She got the information she needed when Clarke and Bellamy staggered back into Sanctum, Josephine finally purged and Clarke herself again. They’d missed the fighting, but were glad that things had been settled in their absence.

Clarke noticed the faraway look in Niylah’s eyes as she glanced around their new home and approached her.

“We saw her.” Clarke offered. “She’s alive.”

“No thanks to any of you.”

“It wasn’t me who cast her out. It was Bellamy, I wasn’t there. But it was her choice not to come back with us.”

“Why wouldn’t she come back?”

“She has her reasons.” Clarke said. “She’s different, Niylah.”

“Different from who she was before Praimfaya? Different from who she was when you opened the bunker? Different from who she was before she went into cryosleep? Different from who she was when she woke up?”

“Yes.”

“That’s… not exactly an answer.”

“Go to her. I can draw you a map. Then you’ll understand.”

“What about all of the dangers in the forest? What do I need to know?”

“The Primes are gone, so the Children of Gabriel are no longer a threat. As to the environment… I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You will.”

* * *

Niylah left Sanctum the next morning, following Clarke’s map carefully. Clarke had been right - none of the environmental threats she’d heard about bothered her. She saw flashes of what she’d heard were temporal flares, but they didn’t come close.

It was as if the forest itself was looking out for her.

On the morning of the third day, Niylah was lost in her thoughts as she strolled along, knowing she had to be close, trying to keep her ears sharp for any sounds of civilization.

Then she heard a child’s laugh.

Niylah stopped and looked around, not seeing any child at first, until just a few feet ahead of her, a young girl about six years of age stepped out from behind a tree.

“Hello.” Niylah said pleasantly. “Who are you?”

“I’m Hope.” The girl smiled shyly, reaching out her hand. “She’s been waiting for you. Come with me.”

Hoping that the _she_ in question was Octavia, and not really seeing any other options, Niylah took Hope’s hand and followed her, weaving through the trees that became denser and denser, up a small hill, to the mouth of a cave.

Hope dropped her hand and ran inside. Niylah paused for a moment, hearing the thrumming of the Anomaly Clarke had mentioned somewhere close by, catching flashes of light through the trees. Looking up into the cave, the entrance was lined with some sort of bioluminescent moss.

A few moments later, Octavia stepped out from it.

There was something different about her, Clarke had been right, but precisely _what_ that was, Niylah couldn’t put her finger on. Her hair was clean, she was no longer sporting all the bruises and wounds she’d had when she’d vanished from the mothership weeks earlier, she had different clothes, but Niylah sensed that it went deeper than that.

Also, Octavia was _smiling._ That wasn’t something that she’d seen in years.

“Welcome.” Octavia said. “I hoped you’d come.”

“Hope brought me here. Both literally and figuratively, I suppose. I knew you couldn’t be dead.”

“I feel like I’m finally alive.” Octavia said. “This world is so beautiful, Niylah, and I - I’m connected to it. I feel it in every cell of my body, and… it’s _changed_ me.” She took stock of Niylah’s confused expression. “I know, I probably sound like a crazy person right now, but it’s a really long story that I promise we’ll get to, but first… I’m just glad you’re here.”

Octavia opened her arms and Niylah went into them, still confused about everything, but somehow knowing that now finally, _finally,_ it was possible that they could have peace.

And she’d hold on to that - and Octavia - as long as she could.

“You going to invite her in, or just stay on the doorstep all day?” Came a voice from deeper within the cave.

Niylah caught Octavia rolling her eyes as they pulled back from the hug.

“Diyoza’s not wrong.” Octavia said. “Come on inside.”

“Diyoza.” Niylah said slowly. “Clarke said she never came out of the Anomaly.”

“She did. After they left. And you already met her daughter Hope.”

“That was her daughter? But she was still pregnant a few weeks ago.”

“I told you. Long story. And trust me when I say you’ll want to be sitting down for most of it.”

* * *

Niylah leaned back against the cave wall, trying to process everything that Octavia and Diyoza told her about the Anomaly. Diyoza passed her a canteen and she took a swig from it, grimacing at the taste, but feeling the alcohol hit her and glad for it. She needed it after that wild story.

“If I didn’t have the evidence right here in front of me, I’d think you were all mad.” Niylah finally said. “I just - literal years passed for you in there?”

Octavia and Diyoza both nodded.

“We weren’t in the same place for most of it.” Octavia explained. “We each had our own battles to fight, I guess you could say. And once we did that… the Anomaly became a part of us. In different ways, as you can see. While others who have gone into the Anomaly have stayed there - yes, we met them - we knew we couldn’t. We had to come back.”

“But you were happy there. Why come back?” Niylah asked.

“It was a haven. It wasn’t a home.” Octavia said. “I’ve been looking for a home for so long. I knew I couldn’t stay, because I still had things to live for out here. Things to prove. People I missed. So I came back.”

“But I don’t understand. You came back the same age as you left. But Diyoza, you and your child - you must have aged. Clearly, or you would still be pregnant. Or pregnant again.” Niylah frowned, trying to work out her confusion.

“The Anomaly became a part of us.” Octavia repeated. “After so much war, fighting and destruction, we wanted peace. To bring life into this world instead of death.”

“For me, that came in a specific physical form.” Diyoza said, gaze shifting to her daughter, who was curled into her side and scribbling in a notebook. “She’s my life, and I didn’t want to lose the years I’d had with her. But your queen is always a bit more complicated.”

Octavia smirked at Diyoza, and turned back to face Niylah. “I’m still understanding what it all means for me. What I’m capable of. But what I do know so far is what I said outside - I’m connected to this world. I feel its life, its death, all of it. I knew when you left Sanctum, and could keep the dangers out of your way as you made your way here.”

“But why did you stay here?” Niylah asked. “If you knew Sanctum would be safe and open to you now?”

“Sanctum’s a black hole.” Octavia said. “I can’t feel it. It’s just… empty. A blight on the face of this world. I can’t live in that. And there aren’t any dangers in the forest for me. Not anymore.” She looked down. “I had peace, Niylah. I had peace in there. And I want it out here. Sanctum can’t give me that. Not now. Maybe not ever. When I saw Bellamy, I - I was changed, but he didn’t see that. He’s never wanted to see it. First, when the bunker was opened, he wanted to still see me as his little sister, when I’d become so much more than that. And now, he doesn’t want to see who I’ve become after Blodreina. I tried to explain to him, but he wouldn’t have any of it. So Gabriel and I helped him save Clarke, Gabriel took Josephine’s mind drive into the Anomaly, and - and that was it. I almost went back in, but - I stayed, hoping that you’d come.”

“I came.”

“Can I show you something?” Octavia got to her feet, holding out a hand to Niylah.

Niylah took it, and stood up, following Octavia out of the cave, around the back of the hill to a clearing, well, sort of a clearing, there were trees growing, but in forms and shapes that Niylah had never seen before, some curving together, some curving apart.

“What is this?” she asked.

“I’m building a living home.” Octavia said, running her hand along one of the tree trunks, and Niylah could swear she saw it shift ever so slightly, moving closer to the tree next to it. “It’s going to take some time, but the trees respond to my touch. They live, they move, and I _feel_ it. I make it happen.” She looked at Niylah with a nervous look. “This isn’t too weird for you, is it?”

Niylah smiled, stepping closer. “No. It’s beautiful. Just like you.” She ran her thumb over Octavia’s jaw, looking into her eyes, previously a rich green but now her irises _moved,_ green, yes, but not exclusively so - the bright yellows of the Anomaly shone in them as well, and the occasional flash of what looked like red butterfly wings passing by. She understood what Clarke had said now - this was Octavia, but she was _more,_ more than she had been, more than she’d ever thought possible.

Octavia’s breath hitched as Niylah ghosted her lips over her neck, pressing a kiss behind her ear. She peppered kisses down Octavia’s jaw until finally coming to her lips, where they stared into each other’s eyes for a long moment before at last pressing their lips together.

“I’m sorry for how I treated you.” Octavia whispered after a while, pulling away from the kiss.

“What do you mean?”

“When we woke up from cryo - I was so lost in my own pain, I didn’t consider yours, or anyone else’s - I couldn’t see beyond myself.”

“Given the circumstances, that was understandable. You bore the most pain.”

“But I’m here now. Whatever you need. Anything. I’m here. I can be who you need now.”

“I’ve only ever needed you.”

Niylah kissed her again, feeling Octavia open to her with a sigh, tongues clashing as they deepened their kiss. The forest around them began to rustle and it grew darker, and Niylah pulled away to see what was going on. She saw that the nearby leafy trees had shifted their branches, some reaching up to blot out the suns, while others formed a barrier at ground level.

“Sorry.” Octavia blushed. “I… they’re responding to my desire for a bit of _privacy.”_ She looked deep into Niylah’s eyes, asking her without words.

“How could I say no to my very own earth goddess?” Niylah teased. “Whatever you want, it’s yours.”

“I want to give you the world.”

Octavia took off her dark green cloak and spread it out over a pile of leaves at the foot of a tree. With soft touches and kisses over each bit of newly exposed skin, she divested Niylah of all of her clothes, the stark black leather of Wonkru battle garb incongruous with their current surroundings. Niylah did the same for her, though her clothes bore no sign of the harshness of their old life, all earth tones and soft fabrics, no weapons anywhere on Octavia’s body, a sign of just how _safe_ she felt in her new life.

Octavia guided Niylah to lie back on the cloak, tongue tracing patterns along her neck, across her chest and down past her belly button. Gentle kisses took her the rest of the way to her destination, a hushed moan escaping from Niylah’s lips as Octavia’s tongue licked over her, softly at first before building to a stronger touch.

Niylah whimpered as she got close, hips undulating to feel more of Octavia’s mouth against her, her hands reaching for Octavia’s head but Octavia pulled them away with her own hands, lifting her head for a moment.

“I want you to feel what I feel.” Octavia whispered, clutching Niylah’s hands in hers as she returned to her task, alternating between flicking her tongue against Niylah’s clit and dipping it inside her. It had been a long time, years possibly, even longer for Octavia, and _still_ she knew how to drive Niylah wild.

Niylah took in a sharp breath as her orgasm began to crest, and she felt so much more than she expected - _pleasure,_ to be sure, but also the heartbeat of the world itself, the blossoming life all around them, how it was all connected, how _they_ were connected to it all, it was almost too much to even comprehend… then all went quiet.

Darkness. Peace. A deep quiet, until a voice started piercing through it…

“Niylah. _Niylah.”_ Octavia called out urgently. “Niylah!”

Niylah blinked, registering that Octavia was shaking her. Had she passed out? Is that what happened?

“I’m okay.” She whispered, struggling to a seated position. “What was that?”

“That was this world.” Octavia said. “That’s what I feel. But it might have been too much for you. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It was beautiful.” Niylah held Octavia close, kissing her deeply, pulling her down on top of her, then swiftly reversing their positions. “Though I don’t think I can do anything as earth-shattering for you.”

Octavia grinned, mischief clear in her eyes. “Let’s see, shall we?”

Niylah set upon her with fingers, lips and tongue, and when Octavia came, instead of taking Niylah’s hands again as she expected, Octavia drove her fingers into the ground, a warm breeze licking over Niylah’s back as she sat up, watching the mosses around them explode into flowers that bloomed all at once, petals raining down on them from flowers in the canopy above.

“Told you you’d be earth-shattering.” Octavia murmured, reaching for Niylah and pulling her down to rest next to her.

They lay there together for hours, watching the petals float through the air, enjoying the feeling of _life_ all around them after years of horror and death. As the suns began to set, Octavia took Niylah down to the river, where they enjoyed the cool water on their hot skin and basked in the light of the stars on the beach before finally retiring back to the cave for the night.

Peace was finally real.

* * *

Days and then weeks passed. Octavia spent most of her days in her tree grove, coaxing them into the shape of a home. With her guidance, Niylah and Hope began to gather and preserve edible plants for the coming winter. Octavia’s senses estimated that the winter was only a month or two away. Diyoza hunted and fished, and Niylah taught Hope how to dry and preserve the meat as well.

“Have you been eating meat?” Niylah asked Octavia quietly one day as she came back from the grove, mindful of the fact that Diyoza was skinning a creature similar to a rabbit not far away.

“Just fish so far.” Octavia said, eyes flitting over Diyoza. “Don’t worry. You can speak freely. She knows everything.”

“Just avoid your bunker stories when my daughter is around.” Diyoza said without looking up. “She doesn’t need to know the horrors of our past. Maybe when she’s older, and wants to know about the world we left, but - not yet.”

Niylah nodded. “I haven’t eaten meat yet either. We’ll take it slowly, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Octavia agreed, her gaze suddenly pulling to the west, disappearing into the trance Niylah had come to recognize for whenever something interrupted the day-to-day flow of the forest that Octavia had gotten used to humming through her veins. 

“Someone’s coming.” Octavia said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm.... who is it, I wonder? Find out in a few days ;)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Visitors arrive in Octavia's sanctuary. Diyoza and Niylah have a conversation.

“Someone’s coming.” Octavia said. “Still a few days off, but they’re beyond the boundary that Sanctum hunts in.”

“Are they coming here?” Niylah asked.

Octavia walked over to the closest tree, pressing her palm against it and closing her eyes. After a moment she opened them again, expression turning inscrutable.

“It’s Indra.” Octavia whispered. “She must be coming here. There’s no one else with her.”

“You going to be okay?” Niylah rested her chin on Octavia’s shoulder, wrapping her arms around her.

“Hopefully it’ll go better than with Bellamy.”

Octavia was quieter than usual for the next days, spending all of her time in her grove, not speaking much during their meals. She smiled when conversing with Hope, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes. At night, she’d curl into Niylah’s side without a word. Niylah knew she was nervous about needing to confront her former mentor, and wasn’t sure if this advance knowledge of her arrival was a good or a bad thing for those emotions.

In mid-afternoon on the third day, Indra finally arrived in the clearing in front of the cave. Octavia hadn’t sent Hope out to meet her, so Niylah assumed that Indra had found her way using the smoke from their various fires.

“Hello, _seda.”_ Octavia said, not turning to look at her. If Indra was surprised that Octavia knew who it was without even looking, she showed no sign of it.

“Your banishment was lifted, yet you have not returned to Sanctum.” Indra said by way of greeting. “People are beginning to ask why.”

“Perhaps they should ask why I would return.”

“Your people are there. Your family.”

Octavia scoffed. “My _people_ and my _family_ are right here.” She finally stood up and turned to face Indra. “Why would I return to a place that never welcomed me in the first place? A place filled with people that only look at me with hate? A place that is an empty void, severed from the earth? A place that would never give me the peace I’ve found here?”

Indra eyed Diyoza and Hope, who said nothing, Hope curling into her mother’s side, somewhat afraid of this stranger who wasn’t friendly with her aunt Octavia. Niylah moved to stand next to Octavia and looked at Indra defiantly when her eyes passed over her.

“There are rumours that you somehow manipulated time.”

“I didn’t.” Octavia said. “The Anomaly did.”

“There are also rumours that you came out of it… changed.”

“I did. My time in the Anomaly gave me the opportunity to face my past, and accept it for what it is and heal from it. And when I chose to leave, it gave me the gifts I now possess. I prefer to stay here, where I can cultivate those gifts in peace, instead of living in a void where I’d have to rip open old wounds.”

“Sanctum is not a void. It is a sanctuary where all of us are learning to find harmony and peace.”

“I have peace here. I can’t feel Sanctum. Not like I can feel the rest of this world. It is not connected to the earth. It is emptiness.”

“You sound like Gaia did after she found her faith.”

“This isn’t faith, _seda.”_ Octavia sneered. “Look around you. These woods. This earth. This miracle that we’ve found ourselves in after years of war. You taught me war. You can’t teach me peace. I have a different teacher now.”

Indra’s eyes flicked back to Diyoza, who held up her hands. “Don’t look at me, sensei. I kept her alive when your people exiled her, but she answers to a different power now.”

Niylah kept her eyes on Octavia, seeing her eyes flashing with more red as the butterflies began to swarm within them. She saw it as a sign that Octavia was trying to clamp down on her rage, something that she’d been able to soothe for many of her years in the Anomaly, but now back where she had to face the figures of her past, it was coming out to play again.

Octavia reached blindly for Niylah’s hand, and Niylah took it, trying to ground her - which took on a very literal meaning with Octavia’s new gifts, as Niylah felt the calming power of the earth surge _through_ her, from the soles of her bare feet to her hand that was clenched in Octavia’s.

The red butterflies began to recede.

“What are you really looking for here, Indra?” Octavia asked, voice now more tired than angry.

“I wanted to see what’s become of the girl I once knew.”

“She’s found peace. Something that you could never give her.”

Octavia walked over to a tree near Indra, one that was already blooming out of season thanks to everything she’d been doing in the area. But there was one bud on the branch that hadn’t blossomed yet, and Octavia ran two fingers from the trunk of the tree, along the branches, to the bud itself, and they all watched as it slowly opened into a blossom.

Indra’s eyes widened. “How is this possible?”

“I told you. The Anomaly gave me gifts. Chief among them this connection to the earth, the earth that is my teacher now. I can feel all of her, all of this world - except Sanctum. Sanctum is a sterile unnatural place, and I cannot be at peace there like I am here. This is my home now. This is _my_ sanctuary.”

“I don’t know how I’m going to explain this.”

“That’s for you to decide, not me. It’s been a long time since I’ve had control over how my story is told, trying to start now would just be an exercise in pain and futility. I’m not going to make myself suffer anymore. All I can do is live my truth.”

“People will have questions.”

“Then let them come. If they come in the spirit of peace and reconciliation, I will welcome them. If they come for other reasons, well…” Octavia’s eyes flashed red and the ground beneath Indra’s feet destabilized for a brief moment, throwing her off-balance, before returning to its firm state. “This is _my_ forest, and they are not welcome in it.”

“I understand. I hope this world is everything you wish it to be, Octavia.”

“It already is. Goodbye, _seda.”_

Octavia turned and returned to their campfire, conversation over. Niylah watched Indra wait for a few beats, but then she turned and left the way she came.

Niylah sat down next to Octavia and wrapped an arm around her, resting her head on her shoulder, waiting for her to speak. It took some time, but eventually she did.

“I hoped she’d apologize.” Octavia said quietly. “If she apologized for everything she did to me, then maybe - maybe we could have some sort of relationship again.”

“Maybe she will, given time.” Niylah said.

“I don’t think so.” Octavia turned to face her. “In the Anomaly, I had to face my past. Every decision I’ve ever made. Evaluated the possibilities, what I could have done differently, what I _should_ have done differently. I don’t know how long I spent fighting myself. How much time I spent believing _them_ that I’d done something selfish, something that wasn’t for my people, but - there wasn’t anything. They want me to apologize to them, when I know I have nothing to apologize for. I don’t like that I had to put them in the pit, but it wasn’t my choices that brought us to that day. It was theirs. It took me a long time to realize that. And now that anger is filling me again, and - I don’t want that. I don’t want that rage anymore.”

“You don’t need it.” Niylah whispered, resting her forehead against Octavia’s. “You don’t need it anymore. Breathe with me. Come on.”

Niylah took one of Octavia’s hands, pressing it to her own chest, over her heart, and moved Octavia’s other hand to rest on the ground, so that she could use both Niylah’s heartbeat and the pulse of the earth to ground herself again.

It worked, and Niylah could see the anger retreat from Octavia’s eyes.

“‘Tavia?” Hope asked. “Now that the lady’s gone, can I show you some pretty rocks in the river?”

Octavia smiled, and this time the smile did reach her eyes. “Sure, Hope. Let’s go.”

Hope scampered off into the woods and Octavia followed her, disappearing out of sight. Diyoza eyed Niylah in a way she often had over the past weeks, though they’d yet to have a full conversation, just the two of them.

“You’re good for her.” Diyoza said, breaking the silence. “She worked a long time to find her peace. I’m glad you’re not letting her lose it.”

Niylah nodded. “She deserves this, after fighting her entire life. Fighting is all she knew. We often talked about what peace would look like, but while she wanted it, she never knew what it could be for her. She only knew the sword. I’m glad the Anomaly gave her another option.”

“We all made our choices in there. She could have come back out the same hurricane she went in as, if that’s what she wanted. If she wanted the rage, she would have kept it. But she was finally ready to let go of it, and the Anomaly obliged. She chose life over death that day I rescued her from the quicksand, and she’s been choosing life ever since. I’m proud of her.”

“You’re good for her too.” Niylah said. “I didn’t know how to help her, but you did.”

“I’ve been where she was.” Diyoza shrugged. “I just did for her what I wished someone would have done for me. Hope, no judgment, but also take no shit.” She gave Niylah a look. “You’re soft. I’m guessing you may have had trouble with that last part.”

“I won’t apologize for that.”

“I don’t expect you to. We each bring something different to the party. And I trust the two of you with my daughter more than I would any of the people that are now in Sanctum, so here we all are. Do you think we’ll have any more party crashers?”

“In time I think we will.” Niylah said thoughtfully. “Hopefully positive ones. We do have some allies. But whether they come to stay or whether they just visit, I can’t predict.”

* * *

They didn’t know what stories Indra had told when she arrived back in Sanctum, but others began to seek them out before the winter came.

Miller and Jackson were the first, and Niylah went out to meet them, playing gatekeeper if deemed necessary. But they had been loyal back on Earth, so Niylah hoped they remained friendly here on Alpha.

“Niylah.” Jackson said, greeting her with a hug. “Good to see you.”

“What brings you here?”

“We wanted to see Octavia.” Miller said. “It’s been a long time. I want to make sure she’s okay.”

“She’s okay.” Niylah said. “Better than, even.”

“Indra told us all sorts of stories, and if they’re even half true, I was hoping that maybe Octavia could teach us about the plants here.” Jackson said. “When we wiped the Primes they took so much knowledge with them, the books in the library aren’t nearly enough. We’re running low on medicines, and I - I just want everyone to be okay.”

“The last red sun was kind of rough.” Miller explained, eyes drifting to a healing scar on the side of Jackson’s neck. “It came out of nowhere. How did you fare here?”

“We’re not bothered by the red sun here.” Octavia stepped out of the dense forest, coming to join them. “Welcome.”

Miller surveyed her new look for a moment, and then moved forward to envelop her in a hug. Octavia was a bit surprised, but welcomed it, waiting to see what he’d say.

“I knew Bellamy’s stories had to be bull.” He said, pulling back from the hug. “Clarke and Indra told weirder stories, but they seem closer to the truth.”

“Is it true then?” Jackson asked. “That you control the forest?”

“I don’t have that much power.” Octavia chuckled. “But if that’s how they want to describe it, sure. Close enough.”

“And that you were in that -” Miller gestured to the Anomaly flashing between the trees. “- for years?”

“Yeah.” Octavia nodded. “I was. People here have always been afraid of it, but there’s nothing to fear. It helps. It heals.”

“It can’t be that easy.” Miller said, looking skeptical.

“It wasn’t easy. But the tests it put me through gave me a peace and clarity that I haven’t had in a long time. And with that came healing.”

“I’m so happy for you, Octavia.” Jackson said, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder. “I’m really glad that you’ve found peace. I hope that we can share it for a few days?”

Octavia exchanged a glance with Niylah and nodded. “Yeah. You’re welcome to stay.”

Octavia led them around to the wooded home that was beginning to take shape, ready enough that Octavia and Niylah slept out there most nights now instead of in the cave. 

“You did this?” Jackson asked, looking at the living structure in amazement.

“I did.” Octavia answered. “It’s taken weeks, but it is coming along. By the time winter comes, I hope it’ll be finished.”

“It’s amazing.” Miller said. “Build us one?”

“In the spring, if you want to live here. But not in Sanctum.”

“Indra said you called Sanctum a void.” Jackson said. “What did you mean?”

“It’s unnatural. I can’t feel it like I can the rest of this world. Maybe it has something to do with the radiation shield, I don’t know. But it just feels empty.” Octavia sighed and sat down on a tree stump. “I guess it is better that way. If I could affect things within the radiation shield, Bellamy would probably find a way to blame me for anything that went wrong.”

Niylah noticed Miller and Jackson exchange a pained look. Octavia looked up, seeing their expressions.

“Is he blaming me for something in there?”

“No, he just…” Jackson trailed off. “He’s not sure what to think of you. And after Indra came back, it didn’t get better.”

“What do you mean?” Niylah asked.

“Indra made it clear that this was your forest and others weren’t welcome in it. So people are a bit concerned.” Jackson said. “Before taking down the Primes, there was a plan to build our own compound. Miller and the others were working on a plan for it. But then after Indra returned, all movement on that stopped.”

“The three different factions - residents of Sanctum, Wonkru and the prisoners - have been mostly getting along. So construction has started on new housing within the current radiation shield. No plans to expand beyond it.” Miller added.

Octavia sighed. “Indra clearly missed my message, because that is not what I said. I said if people wanted to come in peace and reconciliation, that I’d welcome them. But otherwise they weren’t welcome. I guess she went straight to assuming everyone would be hostile.”

“We’re not.” Jackson said. “Are we?”

“You’re not hostile. Thank you, for coming. It means a lot.” Octavia smiled at them. “Join us for dinner?”

“Sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More visitors await... who else will come?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More visitors come, and their curiosity about the Anomaly grows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uh... it's been awhile, hasn't it? Oops. It isn't that I haven't been writing - I have! - but I haven't been able to post any of that writing yet. As you may know if you follow me on Tumblr, I'm working on a big epic S7 spec-fic, so that's been taking a lot of my time and I don't want to start posting it until it is finished, ergo why I haven't posted much in the past few months.
> 
> But I'm also finishing off other projects, starting with this one, so enjoy! One more chapter to go on this one, will post that in the next week!
> 
> Reminder if you're coming back to this fic too: This is written post-6x08, pre-the rest of the season! So everything we know about the Anomaly from later on in the season isn't here, this is a very different take.

Jackson and Miller spent a week with them, learning about the forest. Octavia and Niylah taught Jackson about the plants, Miller helped Diyoza hunt and carved some new toys for Hope.

“We’ll be back in the spring.” Jackson promised. “But first I need to make sure our people know all of this.” He exchanged a glance with Miller. “But we like the peace here too. And the freedom and openness. Being stuck inside a shield, even if it can be lowered, feels too much like being trapped again.”

“You’re welcome any time.” Octavia said, giving them both a hug goodbye. “You’re family and you always have a home here.”

“Thank you.” Miller said. “Home has been elusive for a long time, but here feels right. We’ll be back.”

“We’ll be waiting.” Niylah answered.

* * *

Barely a few days after Jackson and Miller returned to Sanctum, Octavia sensed new visitors, and soon enough Echo and Madi also showed up.

 _“Heda_ wanted to see you, Clarke wouldn’t let her leave alone, and Gaia didn’t dare come.” Echo said by way of greeting. “I’m glad you’ve found peace here, Octavia. I really am.”

“She’s been talking to Jackson and Miller.” Madi explained. “I want to see what you can do, _Graunheda.”_

_“Graunheda?”_ Octavia raised an eyebrow.

“That’s what our people are calling you.” Madi said. “Because you command the earth.”

“I would have thought they’d have less kind names for me.”

“Some would like to.” Madi admitted. “But I won’t allow it. We honour the memory of the Commanders of the Earth That Was, _Blodreina_ among them. For our people would not have survived without her.”

“Wonkru’s… secrets… are not as secret as they used to be.” Echo added. “I’m sorry that happened to you, Octavia.”

“That what happened?” Octavia asked cautiously.

“The Dark Year.” Madi said.

That was it then. Octavia closed her eyes, reaching for Niylah, who was there in an instant, keeping her steady. Even after all this time, even after her healing in the Anomaly, the mention of the Dark Year still stung more than anything else.

“It’s okay.” Madi said, stepping forward and taking Octavia’s other hand in both of hers. “It’s okay. You don’t have to carry that pain anymore. Not the pain of what you did, and not the pain of keeping the secret of _why_ you did it.”

Octavia opened her eyes, observing Madi curiously. “What do you mean?”

“You bore it, so they didn’t have to.” Madi said, staring deep into Octavia’s eyes, willing her to understand. “Abby told us the story. How she told you that they had to eat, otherwise everyone would starve. How the guilt would destroy them if they were given a choice. So you took away their choice, so they would live, and be able to live with themselves.”

_“Abby_ told you that story? When?”

“Back in Shallow Valley. Before the war.”

“Admittedly, Abby has been trying to sell a different story while we’ve been here in Sanctum.” Echo said. “But _Heda_ and Clarke are countering it. Your people are starting to understand the sacrifices you made for them.”

“My people.” Octavia whispered, voice on the border between sadness and derision. “I’m not even sure what that means anymore. I thought I did, once, and I -”

“He’s not sure how you’d receive him.” Echo said, stepping forward and resting her hand on Octavia’s arm. “He’s still processing everything.”

“And I’m not?” Octavia asked. “I want my brother again. I’m happy here, but the only thing missing from life being perfect is him. I mean, he doesn’t have to live here, with me, just… just knowing he doesn’t hate me and that we could visit sometimes would be enough.”

“He doesn’t hate you. He just doesn’t understand you.” Echo said gently.

“He’s not going to understand me unless he’s willing to talk to me. Something that he hasn’t wanted to do since the bunker opened. I wish it was different, but it is what it is.”

“What happened here? When you were saving Clarke?” Echo asked.

“He didn’t tell you the story?”

Echo shook her head. “No. Neither has Clarke. Neither of them have talked about it.”

“They showed up one day out of the blue, a day or so after I’d come back from the Anomaly. I was still processing everything that had happened in there - I’d lost my memory initially, when I came out, it took a day or so for it to come back fully, and then as it did, that’s when my powers started to manifest as well. I’d remembered what they’d told me before I left, that somehow I’d bring _life_ back with me, but I thought - I don’t know what I thought. I didn’t expect this. So when Bellamy showed up with Josephine I was still understanding what I could do. It scared me a bit, and it scared Bellamy a lot. I told him what had happened to me, all of it, but -”

“What did happen to you?” Madi asked. “You went into the Anomaly, but why?”

“The forest here is full of all sorts of things that we didn’t have on Earth. The plants are wilder, they’re capable of so much more than the plants were on Earth. And a lot of that comes from the Anomaly - no one can explain it, but it is a different world in there, and a good one. It helps you heal.” Octavia smiled softly. “It took a long time, but I got there. But besides all of the wild plant life, and the toxins that it emits into the world here, it also lets loose temporal flares. These flares petrify any living matter that they touch. A few days after Bellamy exiled me, Diyoza and I were trapped in quicksand when one of the flares came. Gabriel threw us a rope, but I was too far in to get out, so Diyoza was able to run, but I wasn’t. When the flare came, I sank beneath the surface, leaving only my hand partially exposed.”

“Your hand grew old?” Madi wrinkled her nose. “Gross.”

“It did. Diyoza came back and dug me out, but the flare had aged my hand, and it was spreading, aging the rest of me too. Gabriel’s answer to that was the Anomaly. Not the intent of going in, I don’t know _what_ his plan was, but - Diyoza went in. I followed her. Then I came out what looked like on this side to be a few seconds later, completely healed, but it had been much longer on the inside. Diyoza came back a few days later with Hope.”

“And where is Gabriel now?” Echo asked.

“When we removed Josephine’s mind drive from Clarke, he took it into the Anomaly with him. Like as not, they’re still there. Or maybe time has passed enough that he’s passed on and doesn’t have a new body this time. Hard to say. But I hope he found peace, after all of it.”

“So Bellamy, he was scared of your powers?” Madi asked. “Which, by the way, you still haven’t shown us.”

“You’ve already borne witness to my power. After all, you didn’t encounter any human-eating vines or quicksand or toxic plants along your way here, did you?”

“I guess we didn’t.” Madi said, looking at Echo. “When you were in the forest before, you’d said there were vines that ate people.”

Echo nodded, glancing at Octavia. “But you kept them out of our way.”

“I did.”

“But that’s not all you can do.” Madi insinuated. “You can move plants. Bend them to your will.”

“Well, yes, but gently. I work carefully with the earth, in synchronicity, you could say. Yes, I change some things about how it would move naturally, but I do that carefully so it doesn’t disrupt the world around us. Come with me.”

Madi and Echo followed Octavia and Niylah around to Octavia’s grove, the home essentially finished at this point. The trees formed three strong walls, rising to close the ceiling over three quarters of the space. The other quarter was open to the elements at the front of the home, a fire pit built in front of it, arranged such that the warmth would waft into the living quarters while the smoke would dissipate among the branches overhead.

“You did this?” Madi asked. “You made the trees grow like this?”

“I did.” Octavia confirmed. “I’ve been working on it for weeks now, shifting them bit by bit. You can’t rush nature, you can’t rush the earth. You have to work slowly. So I have.”

They stepped up to get inside, and Niylah showed them the sleeping niches and the lounge area around the fire, a comfortable place to rest after the day’s work, all stocked with furs and hides that Niylah and Diyoza had tanned from their kills. Their stores for the winter sat at the back of the home, dried meat, preserved fruit and vegetables, roasted nuts. There was even more food stored in the cave nearby.

“Is Sanctum ready for the winter?” Octavia asked.

“I don’t know.” Echo said. “We don’t know when it is coming or how long it will be, and the Sanctum residents haven’t been very forthcoming with information like that. We do understand that the seasons are longer there than on Earth. Something to do with the different suns. So winter could be long.”

“We’re ready for it here.” Octavia said. “Winter will be coming in a few weeks. We’ve got stores to last the four of us for over a year if need be, but I don’t think it will go that far. But the ground hasn’t told me yet how long it is going to be. It might not even know itself yet.”

“You _talk_ to the ground?” Echo asked, several notes of disbelief in her voice.

“It isn’t exactly talking. It’s… understanding. For example, when you were leaving Sanctum, I knew that people were coming. Then with some concentration, I could tell _who_ it was.”

“How is something like that even possible?” Echo wasn’t convinced.

“I don’t know exactly. I assume something about the root systems of the trees, how they’re all connected, how _I’m_ connected to it all. That’s perhaps why I can’t feel Sanctum, because the radiation shield cuts a dead path around it.”

“That’s as logical an explanation as any.” Niylah agreed, kissing Octavia’s shoulder. “Does it matter how it is possible, or how it works? It does. Octavia’s power is a beautiful thing, and if you don’t want to see that, then you can go.”

“It is beautiful.” Echo said. “It’s incredible, really, it is. I’m sorry, it is just that after six years in space, there was a lot I didn’t understand about that world that I had to learn, and Raven could provide an explanation for all of it. So I suppose I’m used to being able to get an explanation on why something works the way it does.” She paused for a moment, as if debating whether to continue. “I guess I’m looking for answers too. A way forward, perhaps. Sanctum… hasn’t been all that I’ve wished it could be.”

“The Anomaly might give you those answers.” Octavia said. “You can walk into it and find out. It won’t hurt you.”

“Right now?” Echo asked.

“That’s up to you. But the option is there for you should you want it. It isn’t a bad place. It is a very good one. If you go though, there’s no saying how much time will pass in between there and here. It isn’t something that we can control or predict. You could come out in a few seconds like I did, but it could be days like Diyoza, or even longer. But if you want to find peace, want to understand what peace might mean for you - it is there. Tell them Octavia sent you.”

“I… I’ll think about it.”

Octavia and Niylah took Madi and Echo to meet Diyoza and Hope, and the six of them ate dinner there in the cave. After their meal, they returned to the tree home, ready to settle down for the evening. They dragged the furs and hides from the fire pit seating to a corner near the back of the home to create beds for their guests, and all headed to sleep.

* * *

Octavia awoke with a start, at first she wasn’t certain what it was that woke her, until she felt an ever so tiny tremble in the trees that made their home, and knew she wasn’t the only one awake.

She slipped out of the bed she shared with Niylah in one of the sleeping niches and made her way over to the fire pit, where the fire was burning down, but the light was still enough that she could see Echo pulling her boots on.

“Let me guess. The trees told you I was awake.” Echo said without looking up.

“Something like that. Were you going to go without saying goodbye?”

“I… I don’t know where I’m going, really. To look at the Anomaly, maybe.”

“One doesn’t just look at the Anomaly.” Octavia said with a knowing glance. “It is calling to you. If you go there, you will go in. I can promise you that.”

“I could be back by morning.”

“You could. Or you might not be. And the years that pass for you there, when - if - you return here, you have to remember what the cost of that might be.”

“What do you mean?”

“You might not want to leave. You might find happiness there and stay. That’s been the case for everyone else who has gone in. And even if you do return… if it is a short amount of time on this side, like it was for me - people here had barely taken a breath when I’d had years of time apart from them, time to reflect and grow and understand myself. How can you even begin to explain the years you experienced while they took a single breath? It’s almost impossible.”

“That’s why Bellamy can’t see that you’re a different person now.”

“I’d think that was the case, but after six years in space, he had no trouble casting aside his idealized version of me to believe he saw a nightmare version of me when he opened the bunker. When really, the truth lay somewhere in the middle.”

“I understand that. He should too. He did that for me. I… I know you might not approve of my relationship with your brother, but we had years to work things out. I don’t expect you to forgive me like he has.”

“I forgive you.” Octavia said simply. “Before Praimfaya, you served a different power and a different king. But now we’re on the same team. For all that that matters in peacetime. But even though my brother betrayed me, you didn’t. You did what you could for Wonkru, and I respect that. Thank you.”

“When we started the war between the prisoners, Kane said that it was a mistake, that Clarke and Bellamy had brokered a peace with Diyoza. I disagreed, and we left as planned. It wasn’t their peace to make. They committed treason against you. I couldn’t believe Bellamy when he told me he had poisoned you. That he’d almost killed his sister.”

“I didn’t believe that could happen either. Which is why it was so effective.” Octavia sighed. “I even forgive him for it, because in the end that brought us here. It brought me peace.”

“I want peace too.” Echo said. “I want… I don’t know what else I want. Just that something is not right and I want answers to it.”

“You think the Anomaly could give them to you.”

“From what you said, it seems like a good chance, right? I could at least understand my own mind better.”

“You could. Now, I can’t keep Madi here, lest Wonkru thinks I’ve kidnapped her. You might come out. You might not. How many days should I wait before taking her back to Sanctum?”

“Say three days. But if it comes to that, tell Bellamy that hope isn’t lost for me. That I may still return.”

“But you can’t say for certain if you will return or not. I can tell you’re hesitant.”

“I don’t know what I’ll find there. If what I learn and what I need would be better served staying there, I can’t promise that I won’t stay.”

Octavia nodded, holding out her arm for the warrior’s greeting. Echo took her arm and they shook. Echo let go and jumped down to the ground.

“See you on the other side.”

Echo disappeared into the dark.

Octavia monitored the earth for some time, feeling Echo’s path through the forest towards the Anomaly, feeling her vanish from her power’s reach as she entered. When she didn’t return within half an hour, when Octavia didn’t feel her back on this ground, she retired back to bed, crawling into Niylah’s warm touch, and waited for morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Octavia has one more visit to have before this fic is over.... you can probably guess who that visit needs to be with!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Octavia takes Madi back to Sanctum, and finally has a conversation with her brother.

Echo had not returned by morning, so Octavia made sure that she was already sitting at the fire pit, stirring it back to life and adding more logs, before Madi and the others woke up.

Madi woke up with a start, a Commander’s dream, Octavia was sure. The girl looked around, confused to find herself alone in their corner, Echo’s furs rumpled but not slept in. She looked up to the entrance to see Octavia sitting by the fire pit.

“She went in, didn’t she?” Madi asked.

Octavia nodded. “She did. She’s looking for something, something that she doesn’t feel like she can find here. I hope she finds it.”

“Is she coming back?”

“I can’t say. Only she can.”

“How long do we wait?”

“Echo told me that if three days pass, then I should take you back to Sanctum. But even if she doesn’t come back in that time, she may yet return later. It doesn’t mean she’s gone forever.”

“Okay.”

So they waited. For three days, Madi put aside the responsibilities of a Commander, playing with Hope and her new toys, exploring the forest and seeing Hope’s favourite hideaways and places to play. She helped Niylah and Octavia cook in the evenings, and even taught Diyoza a thing or two about spearing fish in the river.

But the days passed, and Echo didn’t return. So at dawn on the fourth day, Octavia prepared to take Madi back to Sanctum.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Niylah asked.

“You can if you want, but you don’t have to. I… I’m…”

“You’re hoping to see Bellamy.” Niylah finished.

“Yeah. I do want you with me, I do, but some people, some conversations, I should face alone. I have to.”

“I understand, _ai niron.”_ Niylah held Octavia’s face between her hands and gave her a slow kiss. “I hope you find the peace you need with your brother.”

“I’ll come back to you. I won’t stay in Sanctum.”

“I know you will. I know that isn’t a place you could stay.”

_“Ai hod yu in, ai Naila.”_

_“Ai hod yu in, ai Okteivia.”_

A few more kisses, and Octavia was gone.

* * *

Octavia knew when they were approaching Sanctum. She could feel her connection to the earth beginning to recede as they got closer to the fence. It terrified her, and she turned and fled back into the forest without a word to Madi, making sure that the connection was still there, that it hadn’t disappeared forever.

When Madi realized that Octavia was no longer next to her, having been lost in some visions from the Commanders as she returned to her people, she stopped and looked around, listening, trying to find where she went. She picked up a trail through the brush, and backed up a few hundred metres to find Octavia sitting on the ground, fingers digging into the earth as she tried to calm her breathing.

Madi sat down in front of her, joining her in meditation. She didn’t know how long Octavia would take, and she could commune with the Commanders in the meantime.

Eventually Octavia opened her eyes, breathing even again. Madi blinked the Commanders away and focused on Octavia.

“I’m sorry.” Octavia said. “I - as we got closer, it felt like a part of me was dying. I had to make sure it wasn’t dead, just… dormant… while near the fence.”

“I understand.” Madi said. “Do you want to wait here, and I’ll go bring Bellamy to you?”

“What?”

“That’s why you came, isn’t it? Why you didn’t bring anyone else? You want to talk to him alone.”

“I…”

“You can’t pass through the fence anyway. Unless he happens to be on patrol, you know it has to happen like that.”

“I’ll come to the fence. I’m certain of my connection here, it’s fine. But bring him and bring the code so that he can come over on this side. If he’s willing to talk to me.”

Madi nodded. “I will.”

“Thank you, _Heda.”_

“Thank you, _Graunheda,_ for showing me what peace can be like.”

Octavia took off her shoes, and they resumed their walk to the fence. Octavia still felt her connection to the earth waver, but walking barefoot made it more bearable and not like a part of her soul was being carved out of her body.

When they reached the fence, Madi gave Octavia an unexpected hug, and dashed through the fence without any further words.

Octavia watched as Madi made her way through Sanctum’s fields, eventually disappearing from view. She didn’t know how long it would take Madi to get up to the village, how long it would take her to find Bellamy, if he’d even come. So she sat down beneath a tree, resting her hands on its roots, drawing comfort from its steady presence and the _life_ that she could feel within it, even this close to the fence.

She fell so deep into her meditation with the tree that she didn’t hear the fizzle of the fence going down, then going back up again a few seconds later. It was only when someone cleared their throat that Octavia realized she wasn’t alone.

Her eyes snapped open.

Bellamy was standing a few paces away, hands in his pockets, looking somewhat unnerved.

“Hi, O.”

“Hi, Bell.”

Bellamy made no further moves, either speaking or moving from where he stood. Ball was in her court then.

“Sit here with me.” Octavia said.

Bellamy sat down without a word, cross-legged in front of her, closer than she expected he would, their knees almost touching.

“I know this is hard for you to understand. To even imagine. It was for me too, at first.”

“That you spent literally years somewhere while only a few seconds passed for me? Yeah, just a little.”

“We’re the same age now, Bell.”

“Is that supposed to mean something?”

“I’m not your little sister anymore. But I am still your sister. Even if you don’t want me to be. Even if you don’t understand who I am.”

“You are my sister. But you’re not my responsibility. It’s possible I was the last person to realize that.”

“You were. It has been a long time since I was that innocent girl in need of protecting. I’ve been through so much. We both have. Most of it separately.”

“Jackson and Miller have been telling me about what life was like in the bunker. And that once winter is over, they plan to go live with you in the forest. They believe in the peace you promise.”

“They’re not the only ones.”

“Clarke said that Niylah vanished from Sanctum not long after the battle. I know she was loyal to you too.”

“Loyalty? That’s what you think? That’s why you think she came to find me?”

“What else should I think?”

“I love her, and she loves me. With her I can just be myself. Not a queen, not a commander, not a leader, just a girl in love. She’s the only reason I even survived those years in the bunker.”

“But you were a queen. And even now people call you _Graunheda.”_

“I know. But none of it was my choice, and with her, with my friends, I don’t have to be any of that. I can just be myself. Being a leader was never something I wanted, you know that. I told you that I didn’t know anything about being a leader. But you told me I had to lead them. You told me I was Prometheus, stealing fire from the gods and giving it back to the human race. And do you remember what I said to that?”

“That Prometheus got chained to a rock so that eagles could eat his liver.”

“Yeah.” Octavia pulled her hands into her lap and looked down at them. “The bunker was the rock I was chained to. You were one of the eagles.”

Bellamy sighed. “I know now more of what happened down there. The circumstances you had to lead through. I just don’t know why you didn’t tell me.”

“The first thing you said to me when we were alone after six years apart was that it looked like I’d read Ovid too much. You mocked my entire society, Bellamy. You didn’t even stop to let me tell you how it happened or why. You just jumped to assuming the worst. And that was just from a look at the surface. Would you want to try to explain something like the _Dark Year_ to someone who did that?”

“I suppose I wouldn’t.”

“It was horrific. I thought about taking my own life more times than I could count. But if I did that, who would take care of my people? Who would have been able to lead them? There was no one else who could. There would have been so much bloodshed as people fought amongst themselves. So I couldn’t leave them. I had to lead them, and sell a bit more of my soul each day to make that happen. To keep them alive even when they were ready to give up. It cost me almost everything to do that. Niylah’s the only reason it didn’t take all of me. She kept me alive.”

“And now?”

“And now we live in peace with the nature that surrounds us, that was denied to us for so long, living under the ground. This is such a beautiful world, and you miss so much being in _there.”_

“Sanctum has been here for over 200 years. The people here know this world. They know it is dangerous.”

“Then I’m dangerous too, because this world is a part of me, and I’m a part of it.”

“A lot of people _do_ think you’re dangerous.”

“Do you?”

“I don’t know. You’ve been away for several months now, but there are still those who believe that you’ll be storming Sanctum any day now, ready to take back control.”

Octavia scoffed. “Why would I do that when I finally have the peace that I’ve been looking for my entire life? When I have the company of people who love and care about me? When I have almost everything I’ve ever wanted, and no war in this world or any other could give me back the last missing piece?”

“You’re happy living in exile in the forest?”

“I’m not living in exile. Exile implies being forced from one’s home and being denied the chance to return. I chose my home because it gives me the peace that I want. I have no desire to live in Sanctum.”

“Then why are you here? Why did you come to Sanctum today? And don’t tell me it was to bring Madi back and tell me that Echo disappeared into the Anomaly. That’s not why you’re here.”

“I’m here for _you,_ Bell. That last missing piece? It’s you.”

“You want me to leave my people and come back with you to your forest paradise?”

“No. I just want you to know me. Not who I was. Not who you wanted me to be. But who I _am._ Because who I am is very different from all of those possibilities.”

“So who are you?”

“A sister who wants to show her brother her world so he might begin to understand who she is.”

Octavia held out her hand, palm up. After a few moments, Bellamy placed his hand in hers.

“Now breathe with me.” Octavia said. “Match your breaths to mine.”

Octavia closed her eyes and began to take long deep breaths. Bellamy watched her for a few cycles of breathing in and breathing out, and as he settled into the rhythm, he closed his eyes too.

“Good.” Octavia whispered. “Now just feel.”

Bellamy didn’t know what that meant until it hit him as Octavia rested her other hand on the tree root beside her and suddenly he felt the breath and whisper of the trees surrounding them on three sides. A fourth side was missing, which he thought strange, but nonetheless, the feeling was incredible.

It cut off as abruptly as it had hit him, and he opened his eyes again, finding his sister’s green and yellow flickering eyes staring back at him.

“There was a piece missing.” That was all Bellamy could think to say.

“That’s Sanctum. That’s why I can’t live there. I need to live somewhere that doesn’t feel _dead_ to me. What you feel here is just a fraction of what I feel in my home.”

“Indra said you can do much more than just feel the trees. She said you could control them.”

“I can’t conjure up an army of tree warriors to fight to take back my crown, if that’s what you’re implying. But I can make small changes and shifts. I can help them grow. The earth responds to my touch and my thoughts and helps me bring life. But not here. Not in this place that feels dead.”

“Miller said you were building a home out of living trees.”

“I was. It is mostly finished now.”

“I’d like to see it.”

“You would?” Octavia was surprised.

“I’ve had a lot of time to think over the past few months, O. I’m not saying I understand you, either who you are now or who you had to be in the bunker, but I’m trying. I want to believe that you want peace. I want to believe that you’ve chosen a new way of life that doesn’t involve the sword.”

“I have. I haven’t carried a weapon in a long time. I don’t even know where I left my sword. Might have been in the Anomaly. Might have been before that.”

“Your sword is in Sanctum. Remember, they took our weapons when they arrived and never gave them back. Madi trains with it now.”

Octavia shrugged. “Madi can keep it. She might need it if people don’t want to get along. I barely even remember it.”

“You really were in the Anomaly for years.” A statement, not a question.

“People keep doubting me, but yes. I was. You can talk to Diyoza, she’ll tell you the same story. You can meet her daughter. Hope is a bright girl who loves our home, loves our life. She enjoyed having Madi around, someone closer to her age to play with. And Madi enjoyed being a kid again.”

“Diyoza doesn’t miss the conveniences of modern living?”

“We don’t really talk about things like that. But she also enjoys living in a place free of judgment and conflict, and that’s enough for her.”

“So when do we leave?”

“You want to go now?”

“No time like the present.”

“Winter isn’t far off. If the snow hits while you’re with us, you might be stuck there for the duration of it.”

“So I’ll be stuck there. As long as that doesn’t put me on the menu, then there’s nothing to worry about.”

Octavia pulled her hand away from Bellamy’s and averted her eyes, expression turning sorrowful.

“I’m sorry.” Bellamy said. “That was in bad taste. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t joke about that. ”

“You shouldn’t.”

“I guess I don’t understand why it bothers you so much, still now, so many years later. You did what you had to do to survive.”

“Because it isn’t about that. It isn’t about needing to eat human flesh to survive.”

“Then what is it about? What bothers you?”

“What I needed to do to convince them. To take away their sin so they would survive and not hate themselves for it. Like you and Clarke at Mount Weather. You did what you had to to save us that day, but I know you bore the weight of that choice for months, maybe even years, afterward.”

“Still now.” Bellamy said quietly. “Even a number of other massacres later, I still think about them every day. Maya. Vincent. Lee. The others who helped us. The kids.”

“Then you can understand why I’ll never be free of what I did during the Dark Year. I can’t be.”

Bellamy nodded, reaching for Octavia’s hand again. “I’m sorry. I wish you’d never had to make those kinds of choices.”

“I don’t have to anymore. We have peace and plenty now and don’t have to worry about survival the way we did there.”

“Are you ready for the winter?”

Octavia nodded. “We are. I don’t know how long the winter will last, but we’ve got food preserved, we’ve got firewood, we’ve got furs. We’re all set, even if there is a winter heavier than one we’ve ever experienced on the ground.”

“Then let’s go.”

“Don’t you need to tell anyone?”

Bellamy gestured towards the fence, and Octavia noticed a backpack and some other bags sitting there by one of the towers. “I came prepared. Murphy, Clarke, Raven - they know I might be gone for awhile. And if Echo comes out of the Anomaly, then - then I’ll be there, ready to hear her story.”

“You’re sure about this?”

“I am. You’re right, I need to know my sister as she is. What better way than spending several months cooped up by a fire with her?”

Octavia smiled. “In that case, we should be on our way.”

Bellamy stood up, helping Octavia get to her feet too. “Where are your shoes?”

Octavia motioned further into the forest. “Somewhere there. We’ll find them. This close to the fence, I needed direct contact with the ground so I could feel my connection to it.”

“It hurts you not to?”

“Not physically, but… spiritually, I guess you could say so. When I first tried approaching the fence, it felt like my soul was being carved out of my body. Taking off my shoes made it easier.”

“You’ve always been a force of nature. I guess I have to get used to the fact that now that’s quite literal and not just a metaphor.”

“I won’t let you forget it.” Octavia felt daring and bumped her shoulder against Bellamy’s, and he paused for a moment before breaking out into a big smile.

“I’m glad to have you again, O.” Bellamy said. “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I’d lost you.”

“Yeah, about that… I should warn you.” Octavia said while Bellamy grabbed his things.

“Warn me about what?”

“Niylah. And Diyoza. They might have words for you.”

“Should I be worried?”

“Well, Diyoza used to be a Navy SEAL and terrorist leader. And I trained Niylah in the art of combat, and she was my spy.” Octavia shrugged nonchalantly. “I’m sure you can manage. I just wouldn’t eat anything they hand you.”

“Please tell me you’re joking.”

“About Diyoza, maybe. But Niylah? The bunker wasn’t that long ago for her. You almost killed me with that algae, Bellamy. I hope you understand that. Jackson saved my life, and Niylah was right there working with him. She saw how I would have died if it hadn’t been for them.”

“But you…”

“I’ve forgiven you. Because it brought us here and gave me the peace that I now have. But she isn’t so forgiving about the fact that you almost killed the woman she loves. Think of how you felt when we were in Gabriel’s camp. How desperate you were to save Clarke from Josephine. That’s how Niylah felt when I was dying. Think about that moment, and you’ll start to understand how she feels.”

Bellamy went quiet, and for a moment Octavia wasn’t sure if he would head back to the fence or if he would still come with her.

“I guess it is time for me to face my past too.” Bellamy finally said, hefting his backpack onto both shoulders. “Lead the way.”

“You’re not afraid?”

“Oh, I’m terrified. But if there’s anything I’ve learned from you, it is to not let fear control me. I want to understand your world. Part of that means making things right with the people who matter to you.”

“You matter to me too, Bell.” Octavia reached out her hand. “Want to go for a walk?”

Bellamy smiled, taking it. “You bet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be one more chapter, bringing this fic full circle back to the relationship between Niylah and Octavia. Coming soon!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Octavia brings Bellamy to her home and introduces him to her new life. Octavia and Niylah make plans for the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng:
> 
> Ai niron - my love  
> Ai hod yu in - I love you  
> Ai hod yu in seintaim - I love you too  
> Ai Naila - My Niylah

Niylah was adding wood to the fire in front of their tree home when she saw them - Octavia and Bellamy both, approaching through the trees.

Bellamy lingered on the edge of the clearing, taking in the tree house with an expression of wonder, but Octavia went right up to her to give her a kiss and pull her into a hug.

“I take it things went well?” Niylah asked.

“We’re making progress.” Octavia pressed a kiss to Niylah’s cheek. “He wanted to see our home. To learn how we live. He’s having trouble believing that I’ve found a life without the sword.”

“Winter isn’t far.” Niylah cautioned. “That’s what you’ve been saying.”

“I told him. He’s ready to stay here over the winter should we be snowed in. I just hope that… that you’ll be able to find peace with him as well. I know what he’s done to you and I know you might not be able to forgive him as I have, but he’s ready to make amends. He wants to earn your forgiveness. I hope you’ll consider it.”

Niylah looked past Octavia, to where Bellamy was still hovering on the edge of the clearing, but looking at her now, not at the home. She took Octavia’s hand without a word, and brought them both over to where Bellamy was standing.

“When we were in the bunker, Octavia would tell me stories of her big brother.” Niylah started. “How he loved and protected her above all else, even when she didn’t want it. How he was _good._ Such a contrast to my own memories and the knowledge that he helped kill my father. But I loved her, and wanted to believe that even good men can make mistakes.

“Then when the bunker was opened, he did the unthinkable. He tried to _murder_ his sister. He wished her dead. Then he abandoned her and left her for dead in these very woods. Is this still a good man who has made mistakes? Or is this a pattern he cannot break? I don’t know.

“Octavia tells me that you’re having trouble believing that she’s chosen a life without the sword. I’m likewise having trouble believing that you’re a good man. But since you’re ready to open your heart to see the proof you need, I’ll do the same. But I will need to see it. Not just hear the stories.”

Bellamy nodded. “That’s fair. I want to thank you for keeping my sister alive. I know now what you had to live through down there, and… thank you. I know things would have been worse for her if you hadn’t been by her side.”

“You’re welcome.”

None of them were people of excess words, so pieces said, they stood around awkwardly until Octavia found a new topic.

“So this is our home, Bell.”

“I see that. Incredible. You made this happen?”

“Yes. It took months, but I finished it not long before Echo and Madi arrived. Come on, let me show you.”

Niylah returned to stoking the fire while Octavia gave Bellamy the tour. The space wasn’t huge, so the tour was also relatively short, and they joined Niylah back by the fire pit soon enough.

“So Diyoza and Hope live here too.” Bellamy said. “Where are they?”

“Down by the river.” Octavia said.

“How… how do you know that? We just got here.”

“I know everything that happens in the forest.” Octavia said. “I can feel it. I can feel people coming and going. I know whenever someone has left Sanctum, and with some concentration, I can tell who they are. If they’re someone I know, that is.”

“Incredible.” Bellamy said. “Just incredible.”

“If they’re fishing for our dinner, we should probably go down there, let them know we’ve got company.”

“Hope has become a pro with spearfishing.” Niylah said. “I thought she might be too young for it, but Madi reminded us that she learned spearfishing when she was even younger, before Praimfaya hit. She taught Clarke.”

“We’ll go find them.” Octavia gave Niylah a long kiss. “Be back soon, _ai niron.”_

_“Ai hod yu in.”_

_“Ai hod yu in seintaim.”_

* * *

Octavia led the way to the river, Bellamy trailing behind, watching her. Watching the ease and familiarity with which she walked through the woods, her fingers often trailing reverently along the trunks of the trees they passed along the way.

She _was_ changed. He didn’t understand how any of it was possible, but it was real. That he had no doubt about.

Bellamy began to hear the sound of running water, and soon enough they emerged onto a black sand beach by the edge of a small river. Further up the beach, he spotted Diyoza and a young girl standing in the shallows, both of them holding spears.

“There they are.” Octavia said. “We can approach, but we should stay back from the water until they say we can come closer. So we don’t scare the fish.”

They were just about twenty metres short of them when Hope plunged her spear into the water, lifting it back out triumphantly to show off a large fish impaled on the end. She noticed Octavia and Bellamy as she did so, passing the spear to her mother and splashing her way out of the water to give Octavia a hug.

“‘Tavia! You’re back!”

“I am.”

“Who’s this?”

“This is my brother Bellamy. He’s going to be living with us for awhile.”

“Why was he away for so long?”

“Yeah, why was he?” Diyoza asked smoothly, coming out of the water to join them, dropping the fish onto the top of a bucket that was already full.

“I…” Bellamy wasn’t sure where to start. “I had some things to deal with. But now I’m ready to learn about Octavia’s new life.”

“Hope, do you think you can carry that bucket back to Niylah?” Diyoza asked, not taking her eyes off Bellamy. “She can get dinner ready and you put the rest in the smokehouse.”

“Yes, mommy.”

Octavia watched as Hope headed back in the direction of their home with the bucket of fish, not concerned about any dangers, she knew the forest, she knew it was safe. Bellamy and Diyoza didn’t take their eyes off each other, nor did they speak.

Once Diyoza decided that Hope was far enough into the forest to not be able to see them, she pulled her knife from her belt, stepping swiftly into Bellamy’s personal space and holding it to his throat.

Bellamy didn’t flinch, expecting that something like that was coming.

“I need to be sure.” Diyoza said. “I expect you understand the point I’m trying to make.”

“I have no intention of harming my sister. I’m here to learn and understand her new life.”

“That’s what I like to hear. But I will be watching you. Octavia has worked a long time to find her peace, and if you do _anything_ to threaten that, we will be right back here. Understand?”

“I understand.”

“Good.” Diyoza stepped back, sliding the knife back into its sheath. “Now we can talk about being friends.”

* * *

By the time Octavia, Bellamy and Diyoza returned to their home, Niylah had already gutted all of the fish. Hope took the extras to the smokehouse, while Niylah set the ones for dinner to grill over the fire, stuffed with some of the local herbs and greens. The fish would be complemented by the root vegetables stewing in a savory sauce deeper in the fire pit.

“Dinner will be ready soon.” Niylah said, stirring the pot as Octavia settled in by her side.

“Mmmm.” Octavia whispered, resting her head on Niylah’s shoulder. “I missed your cooking.”

“Our bed has been colder without you in it.”

“Has it?” Octavia smirked, rubbing the chilled end of her nose along Niylah’s cheek. “It has been getting colder. I expect frost tomorrow morning.”

Niylah chuckled, pulling away from Octavia’s cold nose to give her a quick peck on the lips. “Then it’s good that you’re home to keep me warm.”

Bellamy watched them from a distance, ostensibly helping Diyoza put their fishing equipment away. She noticed where his attention was.

“Something surprise you?” Diyoza asked.

“It’s… it’s just been a long time since I’ve seen my sister happy.” Bellamy sighed. “And she had to go and find it with the one living person who I’ve wronged even more than her. How can I even begin to make things right?”

“You’re here. That’s a start. But don’t force yourself into their business. Let them come to you. They’ll tell you what they need. Make sure what you’re doing is for them, and not to soothe your own guilty conscience.”

“I guess that makes sense.”

“It’s not going to happen overnight. Don’t try to make it. Let them live their lives, and they’ll tell you where you’re welcome.”

“Why are you trying to help me?”

“Because I remember the Bellamy Blake who drove into my camp with nothing more than a coffee mug to save Clarke and demand we open the bunker for you. You have good intentions. But sometimes you need help with the followthrough. Help in choosing the right actions.”

“I guess that’s fair.”

“Everything takes time. And you have that time now, so use it.”

“I will.”

* * *

Darkness began to fall as they finished their dinner, the meal much nicer than Bellamy had expected from their rustic living conditions, but Octavia’s connection to the earth and its plant life meant that they knew what was edible, what uses different plants had, how they could be best combined to nourish their bodies.

Octavia took their dishes away to wash them, leaving Bellamy sitting by the fire with Niylah, Diyoza and Hope. He gave them a basic rundown of how life was going along in Sanctum, how the different factions were working together to live and flourish. How many chafed at being trapped within the fence.

“They don’t need to stay within the fence.” Octavia said as she returned to the fire, job done. “You can build further homes outside the shield. Just in harmony with the nature that surrounds us. Not to mention that with the truce with the Children of Gabriel, what do you need the shield for anyway?”

“I’ll bring that up, but people are still worried. Sanctum has lived within the shield for generations, they know no other way. Wonkru’s still wary of you, and the prisoners… well, I’m not sure what they think, actually.”

“Have you given them the options? The choice?” Diyoza asked. “That was our primary demand coming back to Earth. To be treated like human beings. To have the opportunity to return to our lives.”

“Everyone has jobs, a roof over their heads, good food. What more could they want?”

“A choice. They may very well stay. But having the choice open to them is a very powerful thing.”

Bellamy nodded. “Okay. I’ll propose it. Taking down the shield, expanding living space, but in harmony with nature.”

“Good.” Diyoza agreed. “Now, Hope has heard a lot of the stories that you told Octavia when she was a child. I think she’ll be excited to hear one of those stories from you directly, right, Hope?”

“Yeah!” Hope clapped her hands. “‘Tavia tells a lot of stories that her big brother told her.”

As Bellamy thought of which story to tell, Niylah snuggled up closer to Octavia, bringing her mouth close to Octavia’s ear.

“While you were at the river, I moved our furs to the cave.” She whispered conspiratorially. “So we could spend the night alone.”

Octavia’s thoughts, however, were elsewhere, as she glanced over to Bellamy, and where he was standing on the other side of the fire, starting to act out one of the stories, pulling Diyoza to her feet to join him, much to Hope’s amusement. Octavia smiled fondly, and knew that they’d be busy for quite some time.

“Let’s go for a walk.” Octavia murmured, grabbing Niylah’s hand and some extra furs and pulling them away from the fire, heading into the darkness.

Niylah knew the path they were taking, leading them towards the river, where the beach would provide a good view of the sky, a sky so different from the one they knew from Earth. She knew there was a cozy nook in some rocks along the shore where they could curl up under their furs and look at the sky.

Once they settled in, Octavia rested her head on Niylah’s shoulder, their hands clutched tight under the furs. Niylah could tell that Octavia was preparing to say something, but she didn’t know what it was, so she just rested her head on hers and gave her time to think.

“I don’t want to lead again.” Octavia finally whispered. “I want people to know the beauty and bounty of this world, I do. But if more and more people leave Sanctum and move into the forest… they’ll be looking to me. Looking to the mythical _Graunheda_ to lead them.”

“You don’t have to do it. A new leader will emerge, or they will stay under the leadership of the Commander, even if from a further distance. After all, on Earth the Commander ruled from Polis, but the Clans were spread out over a vast territory.”

“But if they hurt nature rather than living in harmony with it, I can’t just let that stand. I _feel_ this land, _Naila._ Every tree, every twig, every plant. We live from the bounty of the land, yes, and that’s a part of the natural cycle of life, but - I fear that the people, and the prisoners especially, are ill-equipped to handle this world. The Children of Gabriel know how to live with this land, but people from Earth do not.”

“Then you can teach them. Advise them. But you don’t have to lead them.” Niylah said, pressing a kiss to Octavia’s head. “Like in your stories. The leaders of far off lands would go to seek counsel from wise women who lived away from civilization. The leaders respected and followed their proclamations, but did not demand that they come forth from their homes to lead in their stead.”

“Maybe you’re the wise one, not me.”

“Wise in the ways of people, maybe, but not the land.”

“Do you miss them?”

“Miss who?”

“People. Be honest with me.”

“I can’t say that I do. I grew up in my family’s trading post. People passed through, but they didn’t stay. I learned a lot about them, people that is, but when it came time to choose my own path in life, I didn’t feel the call to immerse myself further in places like Polis or even TonDC. I was happy where I was, humanity fluid around me, where I could observe but not engage, and live just moment to moment.”

“And now?”

“And now, I choose you. I will always choose you. I want so many moments with you, _Okteivia._ More than that - I want a lifetime with you. So wherever you go, I go.”

“And if I don’t want to go anywhere? If I just want to stay here in our life as it is, where we grow old together and become two wise old crones that people come to for counsel, and then return to their lives?”

“Then that’s the life I want too. We have peace here, and it is beautiful. _You’re_ beautiful.” Niylah raised her head, lifting Octavia’s chin so that she could look into her love’s beautiful eyes, eyes that shimmered in the dark, with some of the same Anomaly-given bioluminescence as the cave moss. “I wish you could see just how beautiful you are.”

“Maybe we can ask the next visitors from Sanctum for a mirror.”

Niylah chuckled. “I’ll make sure Bellamy knows to tell them.”

Octavia captured Niylah’s lips in a soft kiss. _“Ai hod yu in, ai Naila._ On this world, on the last, on the next - you have me.”

_“Ai hod yu in seintaim._ You have me too. Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is finished, but I've decided I want to explore this 'verse a bit more, so there will be at least one more one-shot in this 'verse (Earth Goddess Octavia), so subscribe to me as a user (not the work) to await the next one!


End file.
